Common Misperception of Arranged Marriages
I felt the urge to post this! - after an online chat with Arthur today.
I should probably post a disclaimer here: There are many variations of the arranged marriage "arrangement" process, and what I am posting here is the most common variety I have seen. And hence is by no means, meant to be taken as the de facto standard.
Phase 1: Working your family/friend connections.
You start looking for a bride/groom for your son/daughter by letting family and friends know. Being in the communal (as in community) loop, they try to make matches and propose to the relevant families.
In recent times, the internet has played a good role in providing the list of "available" people. These sites are different from the typical American "match-making" sites. These are usually just a listing with a photo, and some background information such as education, parents names, siblings etc.
NOTE: Phases 2 and 3 order change in some cases - I believe it is a case of which ever info of the 2 is first received is processed first
Phase 2: Visual match
The photo of the prospective bride/groom is shown to the son/daughter and to other family members. This stage is used to ensure the prospective couple would have a good visual match.
Phase 3: In-depth background analysis
The family history of the bride/groom is analyzed. I have heard this ... you can get a reasonably good guess of a person's personality through seeing 3 [older] generations of their family.
After the history is analyzed, and inquiries are done through other friends and family about the prospective bride/groom family, we proceed to the next stage of checking for Astrological compatibility.
Phase 4: Star-based match
Astrologers are consulted and the compatibility of the prospective couple is checked. (Personal Note: Astrology looks like a pseudo-science to me - I believe astrologers do some computation-like things based on birth charts, timings etc)
Phase 5: Person-to-Person match
Finally after all these tests are passed, the 2 people in the prospective relationship usually meet/talk to each other, and try to get a quick understanding of each other and evaluate if they would like each other and would get along well.
Phase 6: Its a Go!
After all these stages have been past, official ceremonies such as engagement etc take place, leading up to marriage and the start of a new couple.
Of course depending on the family, and how both the families know each other etc...some of these steps may be by-passed (as in cases where the 2 families know each other step 3 may be skipped or skimmed over).
I heard this recently in a wedding, and it is very true for Indian family marriages - a marriage is more than the union of 2 people - it is a union of 2 families. The new couple is not going to live in isolation, but is going to be an integral part of the family and take part as one in community events and ceremonies yet to come.
Thus! I conclude, the process of arranged marriage is not to be underestimated.
What about the argument, you just met a stranger and you get married to them?
After the whole process, the person is no random stranger, but is someone who both families believe would match well
If you're question is, where is the love? I believe you fall in love after the marriage :) ... you learn to accept each and live together
With that, I shall conclude, yet again, arranged marriages are not to be underestimated :)
I should probably post a disclaimer here: There are many variations of the arranged marriage "arrangement" process, and what I am posting here is the most common variety I have seen. And hence is by no means, meant to be taken as the de facto standard.
Phase 1: Working your family/friend connections.
You start looking for a bride/groom for your son/daughter by letting family and friends know. Being in the communal (as in community) loop, they try to make matches and propose to the relevant families.
In recent times, the internet has played a good role in providing the list of "available" people. These sites are different from the typical American "match-making" sites. These are usually just a listing with a photo, and some background information such as education, parents names, siblings etc.
NOTE: Phases 2 and 3 order change in some cases - I believe it is a case of which ever info of the 2 is first received is processed first
Phase 2: Visual match
The photo of the prospective bride/groom is shown to the son/daughter and to other family members. This stage is used to ensure the prospective couple would have a good visual match.
Phase 3: In-depth background analysis
The family history of the bride/groom is analyzed. I have heard this ... you can get a reasonably good guess of a person's personality through seeing 3 [older] generations of their family.
After the history is analyzed, and inquiries are done through other friends and family about the prospective bride/groom family, we proceed to the next stage of checking for Astrological compatibility.
Phase 4: Star-based match
Astrologers are consulted and the compatibility of the prospective couple is checked. (Personal Note: Astrology looks like a pseudo-science to me - I believe astrologers do some computation-like things based on birth charts, timings etc)
Phase 5: Person-to-Person match
Finally after all these tests are passed, the 2 people in the prospective relationship usually meet/talk to each other, and try to get a quick understanding of each other and evaluate if they would like each other and would get along well.
Phase 6: Its a Go!
After all these stages have been past, official ceremonies such as engagement etc take place, leading up to marriage and the start of a new couple.
Of course depending on the family, and how both the families know each other etc...some of these steps may be by-passed (as in cases where the 2 families know each other step 3 may be skipped or skimmed over).
I heard this recently in a wedding, and it is very true for Indian family marriages - a marriage is more than the union of 2 people - it is a union of 2 families. The new couple is not going to live in isolation, but is going to be an integral part of the family and take part as one in community events and ceremonies yet to come.
Thus! I conclude, the process of arranged marriage is not to be underestimated.
What about the argument, you just met a stranger and you get married to them?
After the whole process, the person is no random stranger, but is someone who both families believe would match well
If you're question is, where is the love? I believe you fall in love after the marriage :) ... you learn to accept each and live together
With that, I shall conclude, yet again, arranged marriages are not to be underestimated :)
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